Working Together as a Family

Do you ever wonder why some families seem to be so close and have a strong bond while others simply are a family in name only after children leave the home?  In speaking to an acquaintance recently, I found it funny that she thought it was strange an adult child would still want to invite his or her parents out with them when they visited with friends.  To me, it seems natural to spend a lot of time together as a family.  So what makes the difference in the bonds of a family?  Some have suggested that one of those things is family work.

My own childhood is liberally sprinkled with memories of family work.  From the times we spent hours singing songs together while we washed and dried the dishes, to raking and gathering leaves around our small town, to endless times of scrubbing floors and toilets.  All I learned about how long and hard to work, I learned from my family.

It still makes me smile to remember looking forward lunch on Saturdays after the work of cleaning the house was done.  We would pretend my parent’s bedroom window was a drive-thru where my mom would take our order for either a PB&J or a cheese sandwich.  Once our lunch was prepared, she would pass us it out to us in a brown paper sack and we would eat outside, which was a rare but fun treat.  Looking back, I realize that part of her reason might have been to keep us from immediately soiling the kitchen floor that was still wet from our mopping.  It wasn’t until much later in life that I learned that true drive thru meals come with a toy, but I wouldn’t trade our drive-thru days for anything. 
 
In an essay titled, The Meanings and Blessings of Family Work, authors Kathleen Slaugh Bahr, Kristine Manwaring, Cheri Loveless, and Erika Baily Bahr share some important reasons for family work.  I’d like to focus on five specific things here. 

Developing good habits. 

One aspect of family work is its “entropic nature”.   “A positive aspect of such repetition is that it facilitates learning.”  My brothers used to say that they wouldn’t mind washing dishes if we didn’t just turn around and immediately get them dirty again!  But that goes against the nature of most things.  A lot of our life will be spent in repetitious work.  Through repeated practice, we can begin to excel at tasks.  We build our physical and spiritual muscles, which helps to prepare us for the more challenging tasks that follow the things we first learn. 


Understanding the need for our contribution in the world.
“Menial tasks, however, allow small children to make meaningful contributions.”  In our family, we started chores young.  I remember being assigned a helper for many of my chores.  Often this was a child who wanted to help but couldn’t do any tasks on their own yet.  It might be as simply as handing me a clean trash bag as I emptied the trash cans.  Or taking the dishes from the rinse sink to place them in a rack to dry.  No contribution was ever too small and our parents made sure we understood that we were all expected to work for the good of the family.  As a child, I understood that in order to have our family home function well, every person’s contribution was needed and there were specific things that only I could do in the family and in the world.

Building bonds of love and friendship. 

“When family members work together in the right spirit, a foundation of caring and
commitment grows out of their shared experience.”  Our family vacations were mostly focused around serving our family members.  I remember splitting and stacking wood to keep my grandmother warm for the winter.  In order to do this well, we had to learn to cooperate.  Often we would invent an imaginary game to play as we carried the wood back and forth.  We knew that once the work was done we would be able to go and play or do something enjoyable together.  Often once our individual chore was completed we would work together to help those that still had work.  Those acts of helping each other reminded us that we cared about each other’s wellbeing and happiness. 
 
Learning to recognize and fill other people’s needs. “Family work provides endless opportunities to recognize and fill others’ needs.  It thus teaches us to love and serve one another, inviting us to be like Jesus Christ.”  In this respect, family work is a great way to prepare for marriage.  As husband and wife, we can learn to anticipate each other’s needs and desires.  Getting outside of our own problems and looking for ways we can help others helps us to forget our troubles.  It helps us to develop a servant heart, which is necessary for a marriage to succeed.


Learning that we can do hard things. 

“Family work is a lifelong opportunity, essential to the process of becoming like our heavenly parents.  It was not meant to be consistently easy, convenient, or well-managed.”  When things get tough for me as an adult, I often reflect on the work we did as a family.  Tasks that seemed insurmountable became possible as we worked together.  Remembering the times that I have done hard things before helps me to have the faith that I can do difficult things now and that I will continue to do hard things in the future.  When I am discouraged, I can lean on the faith and support of my family. 


Sure sometimes things don’t turn out perfectly in family work.  Having a child mow the lawn instead of a professional lawn service is likely to mean that the grass is uneven sometimes.  Maybe there is more dog food on the ground surrounding the dog dish than directly in the dish.  But the dog will still be happy, no matter where the food is.  Family work gives us an opportunity to experience the feelings that God has for each other.  Henry B. Eyring says, “I promise you that if you’ll use your gifts to serve someone else, you’ll feel the Lord’s love for that person.”

Take a moment to evaluate your family chores.  Does your family work together?  Are there ways that some family members could contribute more?  Do you children know that their contributions are vital to the success of the family?  If not, it’s time to make a change.  I promise you that as you start to incorporate family work into your daily life, your family will be blessed and strengthened.  Even if you start a little bit at a time, it will be worth it.  Remember, “by small means the Lord can bring about great things.”  (1 Nephi 16:29)