Different But Equal

One of the values that I hold dear is a belief that we are each placed in the unique family situation best suited to help us grow.  This is a vital part of God’s plan for our lives.  Indeed, Valerie M. Hudson and Richard B. Miller teach, “we believe that God ultimately hopes, plans and acts to create a path for His children to become as He is.”  Families are the testing ground, the safe haven, the workshop that helps us to have those experiences that would allow us to become like Him.

In order for this to happen, it is important that the family have shared vision for the future, goals, and hopes.  Even though each family member is distinctly different, we can work together to help each other achieve both personal and family goals.  According to Valerie Hudson and Richard Miller, “There must be room enough in a marriage for the dreams of both the husband and the wife and sweet encouragement from each to the other to follow those dreams.” 

God made women and men different for a wise and glorious purpose.  As each member of the family plays to his or her respective strengths, we can find great power.  Those differences are meant to be celebrated and used together as tools to expedite our growth.  At a time where the world would have us believe that we should be the same, I believe differently.  Joseph B. Wirthlin shared this beautiful example. 

There are several different ways of coming to the same result.  Because all of the ways are equal, it doesn’t really matter which equation we use to get to the end result of 4.  The same thing is true in families.  Each member of the family can contribute different gifts and talents to the family, which enables the family to meet those goals.  Courtney D. Dixon shares this thought.  “The specific practices of equal partners are not universal but are unique to each person and couple.”  (Dixon, Courtney D., Achieving an Equal Partnership in Marriage)

When I think about the times in my marriage and family when I have experienced disappointments, or haven’t been able to meet my goals, it is often because of unfulfilled expectations.  Courtney Dixon also shares some thoughts on ways partners can work together to achieve an equal partnership that have to do with setting and communicating expectations.  Here are a few questions you might ask yourself:

 1.     Are you aware of your expectations of the marriage and your partner?

2.     Are your expectations possible to meet?  Are they practical?

3.     Are you clear in communicating what you expect to your partner?

 Now asking these questions won’t solve all marriage problems.  But they can set spouses on a clearer and more direct path.  As we come to understand each other, and our individual wants and needs, we can better align them with our family goals.  This can lead to greater harmony in family life.  

This can also help us to come in line with our Heavenly Father’s plan for our life.  If we would meet our Heavenly Father’s goal of becoming like Him, we need to align ourselves with His expectations.  He is perfectly clear in His communication of His expectations.  He seeks opportunities to teach us often about His expectations.  He only asks things of us that we are capable of accomplishing, and not only that, He shows us the way that we can accomplish them.  

As we look to God in our lives, let us try to celebrate our differences and use them to complement each other.  You’ll be amazed and what you can accomplish and the peace that enters into your life.