Continuing Courtship in Covenant Marriages

Dating is an essential part of “forming and nurturing an enduring marriage” (Carroll, Jason S., Young Adulthood and Pathways to Eternal Marriage).  But it would be a mistake to think that the process of forming and nurturing an enduring marriage should end when the couple exchanges marriage vows.  Indeed, the Family: A Proclamation to the World teaches us that successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities.  Dallin H. Oaks describes the goal of dating as “conversation and interaction”.  Isn’t that something that we want in marriage as well as during our pre-marriage dating?

Many people fall in love with the idea of finding their soul mate.  They believe that there is one perfect person out there for them.  I would argue that the process of continued courtship after marriage is one of the ways that we develop into soul mates.  Courtship and dating in marriage can help us to be made complete and deepen our marriage so that we can have a stronger emotional, physical, and spiritual connection.  (Carroll, Jason S., Young Adulthood and Pathways to Eternal Marriage).  

Daily life has a way of wearing us down.  It can erode the sense of friendship and love we feel toward our husband or wife.  Dating helps us to restore those feelings because it gives us a time to focus on and concentrate on our friendship.  Jason S. Carroll describes this as becoming “eternal companions” rather than soul mates.  He defines the process by which a couple becomes eternal companions as when “two people become uniquely suited for each other as they go through the experiences of life together and learn to adapt and grow in ways that make them a better fit with their spouse”.  (Carroll, Jason S., Young Adulthood and Pathways to Eternal Marriage).

For my husband and I, our date nights give us a chance to evaluate and ponder some of the things that have happened to us as a couple over the past few days or week.  These dates give us a chance to decide what we would do better.  They help us to move from being reactionary all the time to being more proactive.  When I discuss an experience with my spouse in this way, it gives him a chance to give me advice, counsel, and support.  Then when I am faced with a similar situation in the future, I can move forward in confidence because I know this thoughts and feelings on the situation. 

To quote Marvin J. Ashton, “True love is a process.  True love requires personal action.  Love must be continuing to be real.  Love takes time.”  Courtship after marriage is one of those ways that we can develop true love.  Even setting aside the time for frequent dates after marriage, signals our commitment to our marriage.  It tells our spouse that they are still important to us, that we value them and want to spend time with them.  After children are born, this becomes even more important. 

There is a popular saying that “Happiness is being married to your best friend”.  But friendship, just like love, must be nurtured to grow.  Dating is one way that a couple can build on the friendship they started prior to marriage.  Try it, I know you’ll love it!